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1997-11-15 04:00:00 PDT Tuzla, Bosnia -- Hope, in the aftermath of a civil war, is another country. It is too soon to put much weight on words like "hope" or "peace" in the ruins of Yugoslavia, where a fragile truce rests on the presence of heavily armed NATO troops.
But for the first time since Serbs, Croats and Muslims turned their guns on one another in 1991, there are signs -- thin slivers of light in the gloom -- that hope and peace may be something more than distant illusions.
Often, as in the exhausting journey that brought Jasna Ivanic, 42, to a gathering at a hotel on the Adriatic coast in September, these signs spring from memory. From the past, before the bloodletting that killed tens of thousands and drove 3.7 million people from their homes.
Like many of the 140 people who showed up at the hotel, a modest family inn near the Croatian port of Rijeka, Ivanic is among the dispossessed. A Bosnian Serb, she now lives in one room of someone else's house -- a dispossessed Croat -- in U.N.-occupied Eastern Slavonia, above the junction of the Sava and Danube rivers.
The event at the hotel, formally known as the Seminar on Democracy and Social Justice, is the brainchild of Bogdan Denitch, an expatriate Croatian sociologist who teaches at the City University of New York. Held annually since 1994, it attracts the war's refugees from all over Europe -- Muslim, Croat and Serb alike.
In effect, the seminar is aimed at recreating Yugoslavia, the multicultural nation that was torn apart by nationalist movements in Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, Serbia and Macedonia.
The starting point each year, says Ivanic, "is to turn the clock back before 1991, when things began to unravel, and try to understand what happened."
Making use of e-mail, spotty telephone links across the republics' borders and mutual acquaintances in Western Europe or the United States to compile an invitation list, the meeting puts friends separated by five years of carnage back in touch.
"That's the real object," Ivanic says. "Most of the men who show up at the hotel were drafted to fight, literally to kill people they had grown up with. A lot of the women lost husbands or lovers."
Ivanic pauses. "We all lost Yugoslavia, where it didn't matter once if you were a Serb or a Muslim or a Croat. We lost each other."
Marija Lulic, 44, a Bosnian Croat from Tuzla, describes the gathering as an "exercise in Yugo- nostalgia," by which she means a much broader wave of reflection -- of looking back -- that has swept all of the former Yugoslav republics in recent months.
Yugo-nostalgia hangs over the entire route to the seminar, from the leveled city of Vukovar that Ivanic now calls home, through the "ethnically cleansed" villages of Bosnia, to the Adriatic beaches where Lulic and Ivanic's peers swam, sunbathed and fell in love before their world went up in flames.
The seminar participants were their country's " '60s generation," raised in what was then Eastern Europe's most prosperous, open society.
Today, in small cafes that have opened on the back streets of Tuzla, Sarajevo, Belgrade, Zagreb -- and even in the rubble of Vukovar -- they listen to old cassette tapes of rock groups that once made Yugoslavia dance. The cafe walls are sometimes decorated with faded posters that proclaim, in Serbo- Croatian, the merits of transcendental meditation or of "turning on, tuning in and dropping out."
More often, they display old schoolhouse maps of Yugoslavia and photos of former Yugoslav leader Josip Broz Tito, who forcibly kept his country on a multiethnic course. Tito's death in 1980 marked the beginning of the nationalist surge that dismembered Yugoslavia a decade later.
"Maybe it's not as useful as looking forward," Lulic says of Yugo-nostalgia. "But we have to come to terms with the past, before we can move on . . . "
Slowly but insistently, other tentative steps are being taken across the former Yugoslavia -- many of them requiring enormous courage -- to come to terms with that past.
The Feral Tribune, a gutsy independent newspaper based in the Croatian city of Split, has defied the government in Zagreb to publish exposes of Croat atrocities against Serbs and Muslims.
In Belgrade, the capital of Serbia, the Dnevni Telegraf has published stories that detail the acts of Serbian death squads in the war.
Hello Aluxers, Here’s an interesting observation about life: Unless you’re winning, most of life will seem hideously unfair to you.
We’ve been thinking about this a lot more recently, about how unfair things are in life and how to thrive despite all of it..
These are all concepts and ideas one needs to face if they plan on taking on the world as it is, not as we would like it to be.
The person who navigates in reality will always outperform the one acting on wishful thinking!
We should be celebrating this law, because if everybody got all they wished for, every single one of us would be in a deeper pit.
It is unfair that you’re reading this long article, while others are enjoying our YouTube video on the same topic:
If you’re reading because it’s your thing, then let’s move on to the first bite of this delicious article.
Yes, some people are born into wealth.
They grow up with a silver spoon in their mouth.
They never had to worry about money or material problems the same way you did and it’s ok.
Growing up poor we always looked up to the HAVES with envy, why do they get to enjoy life on easy mode while we were here scrapping. Many of you probably relate to this situation.
But as we progressed into our own journey we realized that this is actually the goal in life for any parent: To give your child a better life that you had.
If you worked hard in life to make your family’s life better, why do we feel this way about children born into money and wealth? Don’t we all want the same advantages that come with wealth for our own offsprings?
The way you educate & raise your children afterwards, depends on each one of you and your own set of values.
It takes time to become comfortable with the idea that you have your own journey in life and the only benchmark one should set for himself relates to the things you have under your control.
And it’s ok. Maybe you were not born with a golden voice or with some mainstream talent that you can leverage on to jumpstart your dream life… or maybe you just didn’t find that one things you’re a lot better at than everybody else.
Your talent might not be as easy to pin-point as one would do with a naturally talented painter or singer, but do you know how many people are born with a great voice? With an eye for colors? Or with a generally creative mind? A LOT!
Do you know how many of them end up making a living based on their natural talent? So VERY FEW!
Talent is just a gatekeeping way to refer to things that you enjoy doing, so much so that you develop those skills faster than everyone else.
If you think you have no natural talent, it just means you didn’t take enough time to try all of the things available and find the one that you enjoy doing. This is why the idea of Talent and Passion go hand in hand.
We found our talent in numbers and business. We genuinely enjoy solving business puzzles.
What for others might look like hard work, for those who found their interest it feels like play, like a personal challenge.
Here’s one thing to remember if you feel like people with natural talent have a better shot at success than you:
Hard work beats talents when talent doesn’t work hard!
People always say that you should never judge a book by it’s cover, but that’s exactly what covers are for! A lot of time goes into planning, designing and thinking of the best possible cover to present to the world.
Society as we’ve built it right now is pretty much a popularity contests and most of us, in ways that we are not entirely aware of, automatically associate leadership ability with imposing physical stature.
This is why 80% of male CEOs are over 6 feet tall.
Call it unfair, but it’s one of those things that work to an individual’s advantage if they have it.
Better looking people statistically earn more than ugly people. This is just a fact.
Fortunately for you, times are changing thanks to technology. Just take the top 10 richest people in the world right now and you’ll see that although on the macro level these discrepancies still apply, at the very top it’s a simple technological meritocracy.
Not to throw shade on Mark Zuckerberg or anything, but he’s not really the price charming little girls dreamt about. Same goes for everyone else.
Looks matter if the only differentiator you have is your physical appearance.
The way to overcome this bias is to simply become so good at what you do that the looks aspect is towered by your true ability.
You don’t choose your parents or the country you’re born in. This is where your success in life or better said, the likelihood of breaking out of the hardships you’re born into goes straight to luck.
Being born in New Zealand or Norway for example offers you a better shot at a fulfilling life than being born in Nepal or Zambia.
But even here times are changing. Business and work opportunities have been democratized by technology. As long as you have the minimum access to the internet and the ability to understand English, you have access to the same information as everyone else. People from everywhere around the world are consuming this exact same piece of content as you are right now.
In terms of location, one should always try to move to the place that offers them the most opportunities to live the life they wish to live.
You may not be able to choose the country you’re born in, but you most certainly can choose the one you want to die in!
You can begin planning as soon as you’re done reading this article. Here’s a list of the Best Countries to Get Rich.
This one’s a hibrid between your own actions and sheer luck. Take our content for example. One day you happened to discover one of our videos and hopefully something clicked right for you and you’ve been with us ever since, same goes for all your other sources of inspiration.
Teachers and mentors usually restrict the number of people they’re able to focus their attention on to a limited amount which leaves the window of opportunity of being in that select group to timing, skills set, location and – as we said before – sheer luck.
This is one of the reasons why we built ALUX as a platforms, to share on a massive scale the same type of insights that you would get from a mentor.
Another unfair aspect of life are barriers of entry to high quality knowledge. People spend 10-15,000 dollars for a weekend seminar with Tony Robbins or Gary V. where they basically tell you to stop being lazy and find the thing that you’re good at.
In our opinion, basic knowledge should be free and specialized knowledge should be affordable.
This is the reason why we developed our eLearning arm. Take Mind Mastery for example, a session with a high level business meditation teacher ranges from $150 to over a thousand bucks… Through the use of technology and scale, we’re offering a 21 day experience tailored with the Aluxer in mind for less that what one of these experts would charge for 1 sit-down.
In addition to that, if you go through the course and at the end you believe you didn’t get your money’s worth we’ll give you all your money back under our 60 days guarantee. This is what in gambling is called a: FREE ROLL.
Go to alux.com/meditation right now and enroll in the course. You have nothing to lose, worst case scenario you get all your money back, it’s a no brainer.
If you’re not already in the hallway, you’re probably not gonna get in.
Although sometimes you might be better qualified for an opportunity, if you don’t position yourself correctly, you won’t be able to take advantage of the opportunities coming your way.
You can’t score a goal as a spectator, you have to be on the field!
The unfair part of it all is that sometimes you don’t know in which hallway you should wait..
The takeaway from this situation is that you need to be aware of existing opportunities and how you should prepare yourself if you want to have access to them.
We have this tendency to judge others by their actions and ourselves based on our intent.
Reality doesn’t work like that. Here’s a brutal truth that some of you probably need to hear:
Just because you worked more on something than someone else, it doesn’t mean your result is superior.
Outcome is the name of the game and society will always reward solutions versus attempts.
In the real world, there are no participation throphies, you either get the job done and get paid or you’re left with a sub-par attempt.
Life isn’t a fairy tale where good defeats evil!
We wish it was like that, but it isn’t. Sometimes evil people get away with their evil or at least they don’t get punished in proportion to their crimes. It’s unfair, but unfortunately it is how it is.
Nobody has a magic formula of ridding the world of evil, but the best thing one can do is to keep themselves as far away from it as possible. Do not part-take or engage with evil for if you do, you will become evil yourself.
Be a shining bright light for those who seem to be needing your guiding light and by doing so there’s going to be just a little less darkness than it was before.
Did you feel this year go by?! It flew away in a blink of an eye.
Here’s a gold nugget that usually takes years for people to realise:
Time accelerates or slows down based on the number of inputs you are experiencing!
When you were a child playing outside with your friend the day was long, you didn’t have as many inputs as you have right now. As an adult, you’re juggling work, bills, your own needs, your family needs, your goals, your liabilities and more… we’re over stimulated.
The average person will sleep for 8 hours per night and spend another 8 at work, doing boring repetitive work. That leaves you with just another 8 hours to BE an individual – and even then you have to cut out the time you spend eating, pooping or in transit.
The unfair part is that this combo society has been built on, isn’t congruent with the notion of discovering one-self, pursuing passions and living in the moment – for there’s always something you still have to do that’s causing stress.
A couple of days ago we’ve published a really interesting video on how to be less stressed which you can check out by clicking in the top right corner – we know it’s gonna help some of you.
Despite what everyone was telling you when you were growing up, life is actually a competition. You’re competing for everything. You’re competing for a life partner, you’re competing for a job opportunity, you’re competing for clients. Everyone’s competing with multiple other players at any given time.
There are 3 separate things one should consider:
An individual competes every day on all 3 knowingly or without knowing it.
One of the most valuable videos we’ve ever created is called 15 Rules to Win at Life which we can’t recommend enough. Click in the top right corner to watch it for it will provide you with valuable insight on how to navigate life.
Although we used the soulmate example, we actually have a broader stance on this issue which is summarized as follows:
You get what you settle for!
This is one of those essential things about life that people find out the hard way.
The unfair part comes from the things you can’t control. You can’t control where someone is born or how they feel. The reality of life is that sometimes:
People who you fall in love with might not love you back!
And you just have to deal with it and grow as a person.
Most people will never know what their true potential is. Here’s a hypotethical situation for you.
When you die you get to meet the person you could’ve become and see the kind of life they lived. If you’re close to it, you end up in heaven, if you’re far away from it, you’ll spend your entire life in a fictitious hell realising just how much you missed in life because you didn’t give it your all.
The unfair part of things in this case is circumstancial. Many see pursuing your calling as a luxury that they can not grasp because the chains of their current reality are holding them back. For some people it’s true.
Pursuing one’s calling usually comes with tremendous sacrifice and insecurity. You might end up worse off because of it and your chances are slim to begin with. This is the main reason why people settle for safe mediocrity.
Now all you have to do is look around your peers. Is this what you want from life? If yes, settle for it. If no, I’d rather risk it all than play it safe!
You might have wrote the best book that’s ever been written.
You might have created the most amazing song to ever be sung.
You might be the greatest painter to every pick up a brush.
If people don’t consume what you create, you don’t get the reward cookie. Fair or unfair, it’s up to you to decide.
When most people think of massive success they believe it’s a hit or miss type of situation, that if you have to hit it big and we all know how difficult that can be..
The truth is Success is the result of consistency!
You get 10 happy customers, they bring 5 more. Then 30, then 50, then 150 and so on.
This erroneous belief has been shaped by the idea of virality, especially surrounding social media, but how many of you know what the Damn Daniel kid is doing these days? What about Charlie Bit my finger or Leave britney alone?
Even if you go viral this doesn’t mean anything unless you’re able to capitalize on that new attention.
Ideally, you want to build a solid base and then use the viral moment just to jump up to the next level.
Marathons imply linearity, or that everyone is running the same course. It’s true if all you’re basic this on are natural events like your birth or your death, but everything else is up for grabs.
Which is why we prefer to think of life as a Maze with multiple paths, some more enjoyable than others.
The unfair part on this is that some people believe the path they took is the only one worth pursuing, that’s when you get your parents forcing you to follow in their footsteps or live a boring but safe life.
If you enter the maze, might as well explore it right? See what life has in store for you!
The last one on our unfair things in life are once again outside of your control.
As many of you have probably heard, Chadwick Boseman, the american actor who played Black Panther recently died of colon cancer at the age of 43 and some might say in the prime of his career.
This is a guy who made it. He escaped the race, the got money, he got fame, people looked up to him.
Many of you have similar goals for yourself. How cruel and unfair is that – by no fault of your own, some genes in your body could mutate and all your future could be taken away from you?! How do you cope with that?
We wish we knew the answer. Until we reach a point where technology can fix this through either more advance medicine or simply backing up your “soul” whatever that is into a machine, we all have to live with the idea that everything could be taken away from you. That’s what they meant when they said: Live today like it was your last day..
We have to embrace the miracle that is life, that you are watching or listening to this right now, the beautiful colors around you, the food you had today, the sound of laughter coming from your loved ones and their warm embrace.
Although life can be unfair, as long as you live it with gratitude and do your best to enjoy the ride, you won’t waste your life living in vain!
That’s a beautiful note to end on which brings us to today’s question.
What about your current life seems unfair? We know there are more things worth adding to the list, so we’re passing it onto you. Let’s see what you got in the comments!
Signs You Were Raised By a Narcissistic Mother or Father
When you are raised by a narcissist, it can be difficult to break out of the toxic space you have lived in for years and move on. But, at the same time, it is something you should do, if you have been suffering from years, due to being raised by a narcissist.
Learning how to understand and make peace with your childhood is one of the most healing and empowering experiences you could ever go through.
As the son of a drug-addicted mother and totally absent father, I know how important it is to come to terms with your parent’s mental illness.
When we were children, we looked up to our parents for support, encouragement, nurturing, and love. But when we were denied these things, we developed a variety of beliefs, behavioral patterns, and coping mechanisms to help us survive in such a difficult environment. As adults, we often play out these same coping mechanisms, often to our own detriment.
The thing about being the child of a narcissistic mother and/or father is that it often contributes to something known in shamanic terminology as soul loss. Soul loss is the inability to contact or experience our souls due to the unresolved wounds, traumas, and fears we’ve accumulated over the years.
The first step in healing this soul loss is to be willing to explore what you went through as a child. This process of exploring the narcissistic actions of your parent isn’t done to condemn them or to victimize yourself. Instead, this process is done to help you understand the root cause of any pain you’re still experiencing, to learn how to release it, and to move on with your life. This becomes a strengthening and rejuvenating process.
19 Signs You Had a Narcissistic Mother and/or Father
The thing about having a narcissistic mother and/or father is that you have been taught to believe that you are the crazy and imbalanced one, instead of them. This causes you to constantly doubt yourself and any feelings you have about them.
Another major sign of being raised by a narcissist is the constant guilt you struggle with. In other words, while you might suspect that there is something “off” with your parents, you feel ashamed to think about them in such a way, and you tend to start beating yourself up instead.
But there is a very good reason why you’ve come to this article. And while you may still have lingering doubts, I hope the following information can clear your mind.
Firstly, you should know that there are two main kinds of narcissists:
Depending on what type of narcissistic parent you have, you’ll struggle with slightly different (but similar) issues.
When Maria Lorena Gerbeno gave birth via c-section to a 6-pound baby on September 30, 2013, her motherly instincts told her that something was wrong when they later brought her child and told her that her she had delivered an 8-pound baby via breech birth.
She questioned the doctors, but they had told her she was mistaken, brushed her off, and didn’t give any clear answers. Three weeks later, she went back to the clinic for a routine check-up.
She met Veronica Tejada, a mom who gave birth the same day as she did. When Veronica told her that she was also skeptical about her daughter’s weight, they pieced the puzzle together. Lorena made a criminal complaint for a DNA testing that confirmed the switch. In light of the investigation, the clinic has admitted to the mistake.
Thank goodness, Lorena listened to her mother’s instinct and got to the bottom of her fears. The new moms swapped and were reunited with their biological child quickly after the mix-up.